From Bad To Worse

I’ve nuked more blogs than a lot of people have ever run so I can’t remember if I mentioned it here or elsewhere, dosage but I’m still kind of in this gaming slump where I’ve got a lot of icons on my desktop/games on my dashboard but very little interest in clicking on any of them.

For a while there, I was playing nothing but Elite: Dangerous. Then I kind of took a slight detour into episodic gaming with The Wolf Among Us, Tales From The Borderlands, and Dreamfall Chronicles. There was some World of Warcraft in there, followed by a whole whirlwind of other games like Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag (thanks to the much-better-than-Game-of-Thrones show Black Sails), Trove, and the alpha of SkySaga. I bought, installed, failed at, and then uninstalled Lords of Xulima. Then there was the new player experience in The Secret WorldThe Elder Scrolls Online went B2P, Star Citizen has it’s 1.1 update, and I saw someone playing Defiance, so those made a comeback. Over on the PS4, I downloaded a bunch of PS+ freebies like…I can’t remember their names. I got my new bass and so picked up Rocksmith. I still have Far Cry 4, Diablo III, and Dragon Age: Inquisition sitting there. I bought Helldivers because the Twitterati were playing it and I wanted to play with them, and that dragged in Warframe for the same reason. I pre-ordered Etrian Mystery Dungeon for the 3DS, and got the Pokemon Shuffle for free. I started playing my daughter’s copy of Fantasy Life, months after the community has moved on from it. I bought a lot of Unity lessons online, and some tools that I thought might help my projects move faster. There’s also the weekly D&D game, and now a play-by-post Numenera session.

However, my fuck-budget is at zero recently. I’ve stared at things in the hopes that my mind might snap to something, but no…I have the shell of a Tuesday night schedule for TSW, and D&D on Thursdays (turnout out to be alternating Thursday). If it weren’t for a calendar, I don’t think I’d bother sitting at my desk or on the downstairs couch at all. I just learned about the first DLC for Dragon Age: Inquisition, and my first reaction should have been “awesome!”, but instead was “well I don’t think I’ll ever get back to that game to really care”.

Still, I find myself looking through Steam, and through my library contained therein, with a restless eye. I put stuff on my wishlist. In passing through the stack of Steam games, I find titles that I forgot that I had purchased. Nothing really jumps out at me. I know I mentioned this before, somewhere, and I wonder if I am really coming to the end of my interest in gaming. Like, not hyperbole-end; more like practical-end.

Thing is, I’m not sure I really care. I think I am finding less of a point of sitting down and loading up a game. I’m not getting the satisfaction out of them that I had been getting for so long. Lately, the idea of a game has been pretty enticing, but the practice of playing the game itself has been extremely lackluster.

I self-destructed Levelcapped.com because I stopped caring to have a dedicated gaming blog, and I’ve abandoned my Quixotic campaign to get the gaming community to grow up and fly straight. I’ve only been writing about gaming here because I have no idea what else to write about. I’m sure as hell not going to write about politics. I’ve tried to make a go of the video blog format, but I’ve recorded about twice as much content as I’ve posted, mainly because I can’t be bothered to jump through the hoops of transferring and uploading.

I think I need a new hobby. Not an additional hobby, but something entirely new. Something not-geek-related. Over the weekend I bought a French press after a discussion about the failings of the Keurig-industrial complex. As I was filling the carafe this past Sunday morning, I thought “I think I want to be a snob about something.” My brother in law is a beer snob (and also a brew-master at two breweries, so he kind of has to be), and my friends are also particular about their beer. Maybe I could be the same about coffee? But that takes research; I don’t think I really have the interest, considering I have to limit my coffee intake lest I blow a hole in my stomach (I’m on medication for that, so it’s not just paranoia). I do have a lot of home renovation projects that need to be done, and I think I might like to get in on that, but A) I have no tools, and B) we need a lot of materials…both of which cost more money than buying video games does.

My entire being is devoid of being an “expert” on anything. Not “Internet expert”, but real deep knowledge expert. I’m not even really all that good at my job, which I’ve been doing for almost 15 years now (I mean, I’m good, but stop me on the street and hit me up with a question and I’d probably divert your attention and run and/or push you into traffic). I like thought experiments, but staring at the wall isn’t considered a “hobby”, or at least not a fulfilling hobby.

I think that’s it: nothing I do is “fulfilling”. I am not making any progress in anything. I’m just being in a place. That’s usually the kind of feeling reserved for retirees and people who have reached a specific and deserved plateau, of which I am neither. So I need to find something fulfilling. I have no idea what that is.

2 Comments
  1. Wow. Textbook ennui.

    Take up glass blowing?

    I think that’s something I’d like to do, anyway.

    I don’t play many games these days. Mostly, I’ve been playing Pokemon Omega Ruby, but since that’s not something that gets forged or twittered or anything, it just looks like I’m not doing anything.

    Soon I’ll be back working on my next foundry quest, and that will take up my free time for a couple months.

    Still… glass blowing. I saw a guy do that, once — we toured his workshop. Seemed relaxing, but requiring of great concentration… gamer attributes.

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